I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
