haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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