what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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