keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
