Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's blow job season.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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