she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
