I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize