i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
