She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
