I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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