Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
