I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
