i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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