Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
