dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
