there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What drink are we having for lunch?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
