if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
