so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
