Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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