so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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