jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
