Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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