I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
