He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
