It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
