His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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