I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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