i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
