come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
