i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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