I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
