I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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