I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
