what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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