sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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