i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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