He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
