Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
