On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
do herpes really smell.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
