It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
