Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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