shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
