I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
