Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
