i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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