I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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