i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
