I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
