It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
