Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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