i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
