That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
