i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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