i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
