Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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