My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
