remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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