woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
