I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
