I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
