I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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