I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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